Too many 'shoulds'? This will help.

As a woman with a ridiculously full plate, I’m always working at the intersection of pleasure and hustle.

Do we ever get off the hook of feeling like everything is just so much effort?

When are we allowed to be ‘there’ and not trying to get ‘there’?
And when can we just chill out and feel like we are worthy of a celebration?

Not to mention that every time I turn on the radio, Rihanna is saying to me I gotta “Work, work, work, work, work, work.”

So many of us women are trying obscenely hard to push through, myself included at times. We start to internalize the masculine drive of controlling ourselves, pushing, prioritizing, and by the end of it all, we may completely lose touch with our feminine energy. This feminine energy of intuition, ease, joy, self care, and self knowledge, that I am so diligently trying to cultivate in my life and help my clients cultivate gets abandoned. 

How can we stay true to our feminine in-tune-ness, and still "get shit done."? 

Now, don’t get me wrong: I am a woman who loves to get shit done. If you know me personally you know I am an unabashed "doer."

And yet I long to live inside the beautiful turned on power of my feminine nature. Full of pleasure, intuition, and ease. 

We want to be active contributors to this world and we want to live our very best lives, which sometimes involves “things to do” that don’t necessarily give us pleasure.

So the question becomes:
How can we find power, joy, and choice -- inside the to do list? How can you turn on your obligations? How can you get shit done, without overriding your needs and desires?

1. Take on less. Relentlessly. 

I’m only responsible to 3 things at a time. Right now and for the foreseeable future these are: my biz, my health, and my relationship. Everything else goes by the wayside.

Right now is not a good time for me to start Spanish lessons. Or throw a dinner party.  

I know myself well, and I know myself enough to know that 3 things are all I can handle, if I want to do those 3 things well. And I like doing things well, and don't like doing things poorly on insufficiently. 

Turning down dinner parties, choosing to not stay out late or drink, choosing to decline potentially cool work opportunities/connections is not easy. I'm a passionate person and get easily excited. However, burnout is not worth it, and making sure I'm focusing on what matters most to me is always worth it. 

Being a good guardian of your own time and energy is an important self-care tool.

2. Connect to the bigger picture, and take the time to celebrate your commitment to it. 

Take time to connect your daily obligations with your bigger goal. Standing in your personal power. Contributing to something you believe in. How you're providing value to the world. 

Daily, my personal limits are stretched trying to grow my business. I am required to learn new technology platforms, navigate personal and business finances, responding to client emails in a personalized and deeply caring way, making calls, interacting actively with clients, website development, digital marketing, taking meetings with other businesses, and so much more.....all at once.

Then there's the fact that I work in the health and wellness industry and most definitely NEED to walk my talk and take care of myself. I need to cook whole, real food and prioritize sleep. 

Then I also have to maintain a loving relationship with friends, family, and my incredible husband. 

Overwhelming...yes. Do I feel exhausted? Absolutely. Do I work over 12 hours a day. More frequently than I would "like". 

Yet, I can find my feminine joy and ease in the pushing through because what is life if not working towards something you believe in? 

3. Embrace Grace and Always Have Fun. 

Once you’ve trimmed down your to-do list and connected your responsibilities to your true, deeper desires, then you get to be in the fun game of how to make your experience as pleasurable as possible. Find a way to make it fun.

When we are working too hard on a goal, the first thing to go can be our sense of humor. But It’s impossible to accomplish anything valuable without fun.

When you start to find yourself getting short with a loved one, co-worker, or friend. Step it back a notch. Remember, you don't need to do any of this. Remember to keep on laughing and keep on brining lightness and breath into any situation. 

This is what I mean by finding fun and embracing grace. When difficult situations arise (and they always will), find the fun, the ease, the softness, at the core of the tightness, difficulty, and tension. 

I'm reminded of yoga here, when you're in a difficult pose, the teacher is always saying things like, "Breathe into it." "Find the softness in the effort" ,"Relax into the tightness." 

Yoga is such a wonderful metaphor for life. Both get tough. In both, you get in positions you sure as shit don't want to be in, in the moment. But the point of life isn't to avoid these situations, it's to figure out how to be in these difficult situations with ease and joy. This is grace. And what could be more beautiful, more feminine than grace? 

Here's to tackling your 'shoulds' with more grace! 

Clara Wisner

Clara Wisner is a Certified Nutrition Therapy Practitioner. She attended school at the Nutrition Therapy Institute in Denver, CO from 2012 to 2015. Clara Wisner is also a Certified Primal Expert and a Certified Sugar Detox Coach. She has a BS in Resource Conservation and Economics from the University of Montana. She is a world traveler and is working on cookbook tentatively called Paleo Around the World: A modern Take on Traditional Recipes. Clara organizes the Paleo Pop Events in Denver, helping to create a healthier, stronger, more connected community. She currently lives in Denver, CO with her husband and the paleo puggle, Ooli. In her free time she crossfits, cooks, writes poetry, walks dogs (other peoples’ and her own), listens to A LOT of podcasts, reads fantasy novels and also loves to read about biology, neurology, and marketing.