What to do with Worry

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I heard a quote from Abraham Hicks the other day: “Worry is just putting yourself in the future without the resources you have right now.” 

As the ever-loving Universe would have it we’re always being offered lessons. The exact right information comes at the exact right moment when we’re ready to receive it. Hearing this statement was one of those synchronistic moments for me.  

I am a very anxious person by nature. My brain is on hyper alert all the time. I’m the type of person that wants to solve everything and everything done right now. Someone doesn’t text me back immediately? They’re probably dead. You don’t answer the phone? You’re dead in my mind. My husband leaves the house in a car. He’s probably going to die. 

I know how ridiculous this sounds (although I’m willing to bet a lot more people than you would think can relate to these thoughts pretty well). Luckily, with my spiritual practice and the effort I’ve put into the development of my higher self, these anxious, crazy thoughts don’t really get a hold on me at all anymore. I can watch them and let them go. 

But my anxiety does create more struggle in my life sometimes. I get very anxious about returning emails. I get anxious about not “taking advantage” of my time. I get anxious about if I’m being productive enough. I get anxious about planning things and making sure plans are carried out.The list goes on. So when I heard this quote about worrying being putting yourself in the future where you don’t have the resources you have right now it clicked. 

When we worry or get anxious about things that might or might not happen we aren’t giving ourselves any good options. We’re literally putting ourselves out in total pure potential land (the future) with no grounding presence of now. We don’t have our breath. We don’t have our feet on the ground. We don’t have our five senses. We don’t know what we’ll feel like, or how much sleep we might have get. 

So what do we do with worry? What do we do when our powerful little monkey minds just spin out on some awful scenario or tangent? 

We come back to now. We take a deep breath. We feel our feet on the ground. We engage our senses. 

We ask ourselves, “Is there something I can do about this situation right now?” 

Now, if you were worrying about whether or not you left the coffee maker on, you could technically do something about that. You could go back home and check the coffee maker. You could text your partner at home and ask them to check it. So if there does happen to be something you can do about worry subject. Go ahead and DO IT. 

However, if there is nothing you can do about the situation you are worrying about right now, then this is when you can start to engage presence and take your power back. You shift your focus. Focus on your sternum, or your heart, or somewhere in your physical body. Close your eyes and breathe into that place. Notice how the air feels on your skin. Taste. Smell. Be present. 

And just like that we’ve let go of worry and reclaimed our power, right now, in the present where we belong. 

This may seem very simple, and it is. But that doesn’t mean it should be discounted. The answer is more often than not..simple. It does take practice and discipline to focus our minds, so although this can work really well in the moment, it’s also something that can be more effective if you calm and focus your mind on a regular basis through a meditation or mindfulness practice of some sort. 

Peace be with you, my friends. 

Non-Toxic Living

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If you saw my recent posts on social media you know I’ve deemed the month of May “non-toxic living” month. On instagram (@revolutionarylifestyle) and in my free facebook group (Self Love Community) I’ve been posting daily videos on how to detox your life and why you’d want to. All these tips are real life, practical things that I actually do. I’m also doing a pretty kick ass giveaway (free stuff!). Get all the details and follow along via facebook or instagram

 

Today on the blog I want to talk about non-toxic living and self love. We tend to separate the physical from the mental/emotional and separate the mental/emotional from the spiritual, but if you read my stuff, you know it’s kind of my thing to address all four of these aspects at the same time. I truly believe we can’t really talk about physical health without addressing mental and emotional health, and we can’t talk about mental and emotional health without talking about spiritual health. 

So what would using non toxic cleaning products have to do with our spiritual health, you wonder? 

Well… everything. 

 

We are incredibly intricate and unfathomably complicated beings. The way our cells function is affected by the vibrational environment our bodies are currently in. As I wrote about last week, we are not victims of our energetic environment, but we can take responsibility for giving our cells the easiest time of it. We also must understand that we are inextricably linked to the Earth and when we hurt or endanger the Earth we also hurt and endanger ourselves. 

When we shift into the paradigm of self-love we start to care deeply about what we put inside our bodies, what we put on the outside of our bodies, what we surround ourselves with, and the health of our precious Earth. The difference between selfishness and self-love is vast, and one of the most notable differences, is the fact that self-love has no limits and expands to include the entire Earth, whereas selfishness and materialism is limited and tends to hurt the Earth.  And this is how living a non toxic lifestyle, taking our own health into our hands, respecting the Earth, and self-love all tie together. 

 

There are variations when it comes to toxicity, as with all things. For example, red dye #40 is a known carcinogen and petroleum based substance, but 15 million pounds of it are used each year in our food. This is something we know for sure we should all be avoiding. But then there are things like artificial flavorings that can be perfectly harmless or toxic depending on what they are made from. Europe has banned 1,300 cosmetic chemicals and the US has banned 11. So there’s all sorts of opinions. There are variations in toxicity and we all have the responsibility to take on this process of learning about toxins and decide what we, at our particular phase of life and capacity, can prioritize. Choose your battles wisely. 

 

But.. a quote that I come back to again and again is, “How we do one thing is how we do all things.” 

I know that this quote can sound unfair, or unrealistic, but it can also be a relieving and simplifying idea to build your life around. 

When I allow my food to be toxic, my thoughts will become toxic, my emotions and my spiritual connection will be blocked. So why don’t I choose to leave out toxicity and focus on natural, whole, from the Earth, for the Earth, food (aka organic). Why don’t I decide to not support companies that make toxic cosmetic products and harm my mother Earth and create my own facial oils from certified pure therapeutic grade oils or buy products from companies that have similar values as me? Why don’t I buy the biodegradable, fragrance-free laundry and dishwashing soap so that there isn’t a disconnect between the way I treat my body and the way I treat the Earth? 

These are really small, little shifts, and in the grand scheme of things they may not make all that much of a difference when we talk about global impact. But how you do one thing is how you do all things, and when you treat your body well, you start to see your mental capacity for goodness expand. When your mental capacity for goodness expands, your emotions lighten up, and your purpose becomes more and more clear. 

So let’s all get on board with this non-toxic living month and start to detoxify our bodies, our minds, our feelings, and our spiritual connection. 

If you’re with me, comment below, join the facebook group, or follow along on instagram. Can’t wait to hear from you. 

How to Energetically Protect Yourself

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We live in a society that can scoff at the intuitive, energetic, and sensitive. 

But the truth is, even if we don't know it, we talk about energetic concepts all the time. 

We say things like, "She just rubbed me the wrong way." or "I didn't like that place it was creepy." 

We are energetic beings. Even with zero education around the energetic, most of us are incredibly good at reading situations, people, and experiences.

Think about the last time you got a "hunch" that was something off about a particular situation. What about the last time you made eye contact with a stranger and you felt that spark of deep connection? These are glimpses into the intuitive powers we all posses, but most of us have no idea how to use.

Being tapped into the energetic can highly benefit us. In situations it can be very useful to be able to keep your energy "separate" from someone else's and it can also be incredibly enjoyable to extend and link your energy with a friend or loved one. But to do both of these well, and much more subtle variations of energetic disengagement and connection, we must become more conscious of our own energy. 

Some of the most successful people in the world have unwittingly tapped into the energetic and used that knowledge to connect with people, influence situations, and create movements. 

On the subject of energetic protection I tend to have a dissenting opinion. I believe we don't actually need to "protect" ourselves from anything. That would mean we could be a victim of someone else's energy. I am a firm believer in radical responsibility and always encourage an empowering mindset over a victim mindset.

When someone says something like, "I can't be around her, she's too negative," that is someone who is not attuned to their own energy and allows someone else's energy to affect them as if they didn't have any control whatsoever.

We may very well not want to hang out with negative people (who does?!) and we can most certainly set boundaries and make conscious choices not to hang around people who are downers, but at some point in our lives we are going to have to be around people who are negative or rub us the wrong way, and we have to take full responsibility for our reactions to that energy when we do. 

I know humans are incredibly powerful energetic beings, and as long as we have a little knowledge and conscious comprehension of energy, we can actually transmute any energy that is not our own and send it back out into the world transformed. This way we actually start to leave a trail of empowerment wherever we go. We don't need to be afraid of anyone or anything's energy, as long as we are aware enough to be able to connect into our own heart space and let what is happening in us to flow through us. 

Protecting Your Energy: 

When in a situation that feels overwhelming, out of your control, or you're around someone who always seems to be pushing your buttons, you can use this simple practice. 

Step 1: Ask yourself this question: "What percentage of the way I feel right now is mine?" 

Step 2: When you have a number in mind, let's say it's 20%. Then you can take a deep breath into your heart and release the breath while saying to yourself or out loud, "I send this energy that is not mine, back from where it came; blessed and transformed." You have transmuted energy from heaviness into a blessing. 

Step 3: As far as the 20% (or whatever number you came up with) that is yours, take another breath and imagine your heart expanding to fit this energy inside it. Feel the heat, the tightness, the tingling sensation or whatever comes up that is the feeling you don't like in your physical body. Stay with this feeling with zero judgment until it starts to dissolve, and transform it into love. 

**If this small practice doesn't seem to dissipate your energy in this situation or you'd like to follow along with an audio version of this practice download the "Emotional Alchemy Audio Practice." 

Playing with Energetic Connection: 

It is ideal to have a friend or loved one that is willing to do this practice with you. Although you can test it out on anyone you happen to be interacting with and see what happens. 

Step 1: If you're with someone who is participating with you sit across from one another, in a chair on or on the ground. One of you will now try to "reach out" energetically to the other, while the one doing the receiving stays open and accepting of the "reaching out" energy. 

Step 2: Do the same thing starting with the other partner. (If you are not doing this with a partner, then during a conversation or interaction you are having try to "reach out" energetically, and then try to receive  energetically.) 

Step 3: Discuss with each other what it felt like to "reach out" and what it felt like to receive. Or, sans partner, just notice how the people you are interacting with respond differently when you're in the receiving mode or in the giving mode. 

Step 4: One partner tries to extend their energy again, but this time the other partner tries to "shut down" or "put up a wall" to block the attempts at the reaching out.

Step 5: Discuss the differences between how the receiving energy, extending energy, and shutting down energy felt. 

This exercise is a great way to practice getting a "feel" for energy and familiarize your conscious mind with it. 

Practice these two  exercises and let me know what you notice by commenting below. 

 

 

I Don't Play That Game

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This week I’ve had a lot of self doubt appear.

If you’re an entrepreneur you probably know this feeling well. That little voice that says, “what if you’re crazy?” “what if you don’t have what it takes to do what you’re doing?” “You’re not as good as everyone else,” and on and on. 

If you’re not an entrepreneur I’m willing to bet a million bucks you’ve experienced self-doubt in some other form. Self-doubt always rears it’s ugly head when we’re trying to change something or do something out of the ordinary. Maybe you’ve questioned whether or not you’re ever going to find a partner after a breakup or the 100th bad date. “You’re going to end up alone.” Maybe you’ve heard the voice when you wanted to reach a certain health or lifestyle goal. “You’re not thin and bendy enough to do yoga!” 

I think you get the point. It’s ain’t pretty. 

So.. that’s what’s been happening to me this week and I want to share a new practice that has helped me to disengage from the self doubt, make myself feel better, and move forward.

This practice is very simple. Here it is, when you hear that voice of self-doubt, state to yourself, “No, I don’t play that game.” 

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When the voice says, “Your thighs are so big you’re never going to be taken seriously as a health and wellness coach.” You say right back, “No, I don’t play that game.” I don’t play the game where the way my body looks gets to make me feel bad or unworthy of what I want. I play the game where my body is precious, sacred, and beautiful, and also where I am SO much more than my body.

When the voice says, “You’re crazy to think that you could make $12,000 a month passively. Maybe some people can do it, but YOU never could.” I say right back, “I don’t play that game.” I play the game where the world is abundant, amazing, and earning a beautiful living is possible, easy, and simple.

When the voice says, “This is too hard. You better quit.” You say, “Nope. I don’t play that game.” I play the game that allows what is to be the way it is. I don’t resist any experience that is placed in front of me because I know life is always happening for me, not to me. I always can find a thought that feels good. I’m always preparing myself to be ready for the best possible thing to happen to me.

I play the games that I want to play. Not the ones that society sometimes seems to have forced upon me. 

When we disengage from the “game”, we simply refuse to engage with the thought patterns that hold us back from whatever we want to do; and we’ll see we never had to play those games in the first place. 

This doesn’t mean that the voice or the fears completely go away forever. It just means they become background noise instead of the main chorus. And with practice you’ll be able to unhook from ‘the games’ faster and with more ease.

Freedom is yours. It’s a choice in each moment. Don’t forget that. Using this mantra allows us to remember we can choose to disengage and get on with our awesomeness. 

 

 

Surrender and Ease: the Key to True Success

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Success and fulfillment are different, but they both require surrender. 

When we think of success we normally think of material things; a nice car, a big house, money, vacations, etc. But, when we think about fulfillment we normally think of something deeper. A job well done. A purpose met. A connection. Fulfillment is spiritual, where as success is more material. 

When we talk about either success or fulfillment we tend to refer to our profession or career. A career can definitely create success, but it also can bring a lot of fulfillment or un-fulfillment.

A lot of times when we talk about the success of our business ventures or careers, our health and wellness, or the fulfillment of our life's purpose we talk about all the “hard work” involved; all the struggle and pain we've had to endure or the time we had to “put in” to be where we are now. 

But right here; right now, I’m going to totally and completely disagree with this notion of necessary struggle; because in my life; I’ve always had the biggest breakthroughs, the most success and fulfillment when I let go; when I surrender. When I let things align. When I stop “trying” so damn hard all the time.

On some level we all tend to believe we don’t deserve good things to happen to us; that we need to or should be required to work super hard for all we desire.

But the truth is; the moment we focus on aligning with what feels good and let the rest go; is when true fulfillment happens.

THAT is when life gets good. 

You are good enough to have all you want.

You are deserving of all your desires.

You have permission to want what you want.

But don’t let the fact that you might not have it all right now make you play the victim.

The truth is you already have it all anyway. The truth is your true success and all the fulfillment you're looking for is already in your own heart. You've just got to re-member it. 

So I’m going to go totally against the grain and say that you will find true success and fulfillment when you let things be EASY.

When you find pleasure and joy in the work; not by banging your head against a wall and hustling until you squeeze the life out of your adrenals.

Life is meant to be fun, wild, and enjoyable.

Your work is your purpose; and that comes easily.

Stop the resistance. Make the choice. Stretch your heart open to fit whatever is happening inside of it.

Your only job is to breathe into whatever is happening right now; and appreciate it.

I’m with you.

The Importance of Pleasure (and the truth behind sugar cravings)

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Ever since the Love Rising podcast episode with Carli Jo  (listen to it here) I have been thinking a lot about pleasure and what it means, how I get it and why so many of us women struggle to experience and value it. 

I am not necessarily talking about sexual pleasure, although I'm also not not talking about sexual pleasure. The way we do one thing is the way we do all things. But for all intents and purposes we can just say we're talking about pleasure in a general sense. How much do we ENJOY our lives? Do we take pleasure in waking up? Going to sleep? In eating our food? In our body's movement? In playing with kids or pups? 

It's so funny how when something "pings" me, as the subject of pleasure did in our podcast conversation, it starts to show up everywhere. It's kind of like how you hear a word you've never heard before once and then you hear it everywhere. One of the lessons I've learned in the last couple years is to pay attention to these synchronicities as they normally lead me to healing breakthroughs or realizations. So.. as this synchronicity would have it, in my therapy appointment today, pleasure came up.

Without getting into too much detail, my therapist actually asked me, “where do you experience pleasure in your daily life?” 

And I stalled. 

I was left searching for a bit. 

When I did answer I said, "In yoga: when my breath, body, and mind, are all aligned." Once I can get my monkey mind to calm down and connect into the breath, yoga is a place that I consistently experience pleasure. There is a flowing grace that comes when you are internally present and aware of your body. There aren’t any stories going on in my mind; no threat of my phone buzzing or my computer dinging. When I know I am contained by the mat, the room, and the hour of time to just move and breathe and connect.

I am someone who takes the idea of pleasure pretty seriously already. This isn't the first time I've explored pleasure or flow. I've been wrapped up in that go, go, go lifestyle before and I know no matter what kind of success or astronomical levels of productivity you reach, if you're not enjoying it; it doesn't matter. So the fact that I have been so disconnected from my own pleasure lately is a little alarming and a great wake up call for me to tap back in to enjoying my daily life. Letting go of the masculine pushing/doing energy yet again and flow into that open receiving energy a little bit more. 

One thing that happens when I get pulled into that productivity equals worthiness mindset is that I start to crave sweets. And this totally makes sense. 

When we have a pleasure deficit in our lives we'll try to make up for it with quick shots of "junk" pleasure. Sugar, junk food, drinking alcohol, binge watching TV, etc, all these things give us the guise of pleasure and "taste" good at first, but leave us feeling disconnected and unfulfilled. Because what we really want is deep, juicy, wholesome pleasure. The pleasure that comes in ordinary moments of presence. The pleasure that comes from using all five of our senses in the present moment. 

I know that when I start to crave sweets or fall into my personal pattern of emotional eating.. I don't need more discipline. I don't need more "willpower", I actually need more slow, flowing, pleasure in my life. I need to turn inwards and notice the ecstatic pleasure of breathing, eating, BEING. 

If you find yourself always wanting ‘something sweet’ after dinner or having urges to go out and “let loose”, or just feeling generally ornery or lacking in enjoyment in life, in sex, in work; in everything; my invitation to you (and myself) is to go find something in everyday life that brings you pleasure and do it as much as you can. Try to find as much pleasure as possible in everyday moments. 

Find pleasure in savoring your coffee. Find pleasure in walking your dog. Find pleasure in driving to work. Find pleasure in eating your lunch. Find pleasure in the sun shine. 

Let’s all commit to more pleasure in our daily lives and I bet we’ll see some miraculous changes in our health and the health of the world.

3 Ways to Use Spring Energy to Your Advantage

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Hey Lovely... 

Have you been feeling that ripe and fertile spring energy rushing around yet? 

I am such a huge fan of embracing our cyclical nature. The idea that there is a time to rest and a time to go; a time to be and a time to do, serves me very well to remind myself that all things happen in perfect time. 

A very tangible way we all experience cycles is through the seasons. Winter is a time for inward reflection; for hibernation and being more still. Fall is a time for shedding layers; slowing down. Summer is a great time for travel, for going out and doing. Spring is that sweet and precious time of year when we typically feel ourselves ripening. We feel the potential to burst forth. The proverbial little buds of our blossoms of summer are starting to form. It's an innocent time of year, and, personally I just love it. 

I love to take the energy that each season brings and use it to my advantage. Here's three ways we can use this fresh and ripe energy of spring to bring us more joy, connection, and peace to our lives. 

1. Spring Cleaning 

This isn't very original, I know. But there's a very energetic reason that this is a traditional thing to do in the spring time. Spring is a time of that "out with the old, in with the new" energy. It's a great time to purge old clothes, stuff, and re-organize your house, room, drawers, desk, whatever. 

My invitation for you on this tip is to set aside one full day to do a "spring cleaning" sometime in April. You could do a deep clean of your house apartment or you could focus on going through your closet or drawers and making some trips to goodwill. 

You'll feel lighter and ready to take on whatever comes your way. 

2. Set One New Health & Wellness Goal 

January 1st the typical time that people set new health and wellness goals, but I've always though March or April would be a much better time because of this fresh burst of energy most of us get. I love the idea of harnessing this energy and putting it into a positive place that builds momentum. 

My invitation for you is to set one simple, straightforward goal that contributes to you feeling like you're doing something nice for yourself this spring. This could be anything from committing to drink half your body weight in ounces of pure, filtered water each day to making sleep more of a priority. 

Here are few ideas of goals to set: 

  • read that self help book you've had sitting on your bed stand for months 
  • wake up 10 min earlier and spend 10 minutes contemplative silence or meditation (download my free guided self-love meditation
  • drink half your body weight in ounces of pure, filtered water
  • commit to having tea with a friend once a week 
  • take one Sunday a month completely off screens 
  • Try a new type of exercise class 

Bonus tip: One thing that always gets me extra excited about new goals is to buy something fun that goes along with it. If I'm going to try out a new type of exercise class maybe I'll buy a new workout outfit so I'm excited about going. If you're going to drink more water, buy yourself a fancy new hydroflask and some doTERRA wild orange essential oil (see the giveaway below to win some!) so you can have lovely flavored water with you at all time. 

3. Change Up Your Normal Routine 

This one can look a lot of different ways. The energy of spring is all about freshness and our daily routines can get a little stale through the end of winter. We can get kind of stuck in a rut. To use the energy of spring to our advantage we can use this new found rush of energy to do something a little different. 

Changing your normal routine could be as drastic as scheduling a long weekend vacation to some totally foreign place or as simple as taking a different way home from work. Just do something different. Personally, I love to take a quick weekend trip with my husband somewhere close, but different. Get a hotel in the next town over. Give yourself a gift of something adventurous like a hot air balloon ride or sky diving. Do something out of ordinary. 

Sending you lots of light and love and fresh energy on this spring! 


Spring Giveaway Time! 

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To honor the energy of spring I will be giving away 5 bottles of doTERRA Wild Orange essential oil. 

Can you feel the freshness?

Some of the perks of using wild orange essential oil are as follows: 

  • Use in an all-purpose spray to cleanse and purify surfaces.
  • Add a drop to your water every day for a burst of flavor and to promote overall health.*
  • Diffuse to uplift mood and energy levels and to freshen the air.
  • For an energizing boost, dispense one to two drops in the palm of your hand along with equal parts Peppermint and Frankincense. Rub palms together and inhale deeply from palms, then rub on the back of neck

Enter to win by filling out the form below... 

 
Name *
Name
Phone *
Phone
 

 

 

 

What Are You Practicing?

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Have you seen that viral video going around with the little kid asking, “what do you practice?”?
Omg. It is so. Good.

So good that I set a couple reminders on my phone to pop up periodically throughout the asking the question, “what are you practicing?”

The idea is this.. what we practice we get very good at. When we practice worry, we’ll be great worriers. When we practice being suspicious of events, people, places, things, we’ll be very good at being suspicious. Etc, etc.


So the lesson I’m getting from this is: to stop throughout the day, check in with myself, & realize consciously what I am practicing at that moment.

Am I practicing being frantic? 
Am I practicing seeing the bad? 
Am I practicing judgment? 
Am I practicing being in fear?

What if I was willing to practice allowance? 
Peace? 
Compassion? 
Being in love?

Not just when I’m in meditation, but always throughout the day.. noticing what I am practicing.

This morning I was trying to “get through” all the emails I’ve been putting off all week. The energy was really “I hate this,” “hurry up” and generally just tight and frantic.

Then the reminder; “what are you practicing?” popped up on my phone, and I realized it. I get the tightness. I felt the resistance. I was literally ‘practicing’ tightness, judgment, & resistance. Whoa!

And because of this little reminder, I was able to ask myself, “how can I practice joy right now?” “How can I practice how I would like to feel, right now?” So that I get really good at it.

I felt my shoulders drop. 
I felt my lips curve up. 
I heard a mantra of mine reverberate in my head, “I am peaceful.” 
And just that like that a miracle happened. 
I was practicing what I want to practice.

So this post is asking you, right now, what are you practicing? And would you rather be practicing something different?

Here’s your chance to shift it. 
I’m with you.

 

 

Letting Go of the Past and the Future to Enjoy the Present

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"Start anew, again & again. Every moment of our lives we can start anew." - Pema

You don’t have to believe the story of yesterday.

The stories of our past have a certain momentum that can be challenging to bring to a halt. 

But... 

All it takes is awareness. 

A simple momentary choice to see right now differently. 

To know that every moment is chance to start again. 

Let’s choose a new story, one that we’re excited about & in love with, right now in the present moment. 

My work this week (or let’s be honest; the work of my life) has been in the vein of learning how to not know where the path leads exactly, but walk down it anyway. And to not make assumptions about that path because of past experiences. 

To not be super consumed in the place I’m going before I get there. Or the place I was just standing.

To stay open along the way and keep moving forward. 

To meet the people and experiences that cross my path with love and curiosity; not view them as obstacles in the way of where I’m going or plaster them with expectations. 

The way I’ve learned to ‘be’ in the world is to be kind of like a bulldozer. 

I see where I’m going and I just charge ahead. 

Single minded. 

I won't say it hasn't worked for me in some respects.  

I bless the lessons, gifts, and massive amount of drive it has given me. 

But I’m ready for a softer existence. 

I’m craving more flow. 

A way of being that is more like a river. 

No hurry. 

No rush. 

No urgency. 

Swift in parts. 

Slow and heavy in others. 

I always know where I’m going. 

I’ll get there as sure as the river leads to the ocean. 

Releasing control and trusting the process so that I can enjoy what happens along the way. 

Sometimes we need more drive. 

Sometimes we need more flow. 

Sometimes we need to remember that we are here to enjoy life. To thank the every day, ordinary moments. 

Right now I’m choosing the beauty of letting go, and allowing each moment to start afresh. 

What about you?

5 Self-Care Practices That Are Working For Me Right Now

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I've been feeling pretty dang good, so good that I thought I would share my nonnegotiable self-care practices that are working for me right now, because I feel like I'm on to something... ; ) 


1. Drinking warm lemon water with a pinch of sea salt right when I wake up


This is an oldie, but a goodie.

It is my go-to advice. If you're a client of mine, I know you've heard this. If you're a friend of mine, I know you've heard this. If you're anyone that has ever stood near me, you've probably hear this... 

Here's why... 
There are four pillars of physical health in my mind: 

  1. Hydration 
  2. Sleep 
  3. nutritious food 
  4. Stress management 

We live in the real world though and it’s not very likely that you’re going to be able to do all of these perfectly all of them time. 

But when we have these four pillars in mind we can make sure we focus on what we can, when one isn't doable. 

This means, that when I know I’m going to be extra stressed or not going to be able to get as much sleep as I know would be best for me, I’ll up the hydration and I’ll up the nutritious food. Or when I’m traveling and I know I won’t be able to eat as well as normal, I’ll make sure I’m doing my stress management and drinking lots of water. 


Starting your day off with a large glass of water is one way to make sure you’re always getting a head start on the hydration. If you do the added lemon (I do the juice from half a lemon) then it helps with detox as well as kick starts your digestion. If you do the warm water, it just makes it a little easier for your body to absorb. Drink the water before coffee and you’re golden. 


2. Writing down 3 things I’m grateful for every day


Gratitude is literally the antidote to almost everything. 

If we can bring ourselves back to gratitude for what we have, we keep our vibe high and our minds focused on all the good things in our lives. If you read my stuff, you know that I’m all for accepting and loving those “negative” emotions, but dwelling on the bad in your life never made anyone feel good. 

Gratitude sets you free. 

Makes you feel good. 

Even in the most trying situations. 


I have a special little notebook I carry around with me and every morning I start my day by writing down 3 things I’m grateful for. 

Sometimes it’s as simple as, “I am grateful for my pillow,” and other days it’s bigger, “I’m grateful for my purpose.” 

The other awesome side effect of actually writing them down and making a habit of writing them down, is that throughout your day you’re looking for things to be grateful for and this keeps your thoughts and mind expecting the best. 
You’re asking yourself throughout the day, “What can I be grateful for today?”

Magic. 



3. Dancing every evening. (hey! Dancing DEFINITELY counts as self-care) 


This is something that is relatively new and seems kind of comical to actually have on my “to do” list. But here’s why I made it a nonnegotiable. 

First off, we all need more fun and play in our lives and dancing is freaking fun for me. It ALWAYS cheers me up. 

The second reason for my new dancing obsession is that I found I was getting really stuck in my head all day. All our professional work these days is very mental, cerebral, and that can make us disregard our bodies which leads to feelings of distraction, spacey-ness, feelings of disconnection and a decrease in our ability to be aroused and have sexual desire.


Dancing gives me that playful feeling and allows me to connect back into my body, allowing me to be more sexual, sensual and experience more pleasure. All good things! 



4. Check-Ins on the New Moon and on the Full Moon


I love the idea of cycles. 

We are cyclical beings. Especially as women. 

We need to remember that there is a time for planning; a time for resting and recuperating; and a time for doing.

 Our society tends to be very productivity and “doing” oriented and it’s not serving us well. People are stressed out, experiencing high levels of depression and anxiety, dis-ease. 

Connecting into our cyclical nature allows us to connect back in to nature, cycles, and gives us permission and regular intervals to reevaluate and take inventory and tap into what we need. 

The new moon ritual or check in is based around planting new seeds and intentions for the moon cycle to come. It’s a time for setting goals, getting clear about what I want, and how I am going to get it. 

The full moon ritual or check in is based around evaluation and shedding what doesn’t serve. It’s a time to be honest with ourselves about what is and isn’t working and create the space to allow what is not working to fall away and make space for something new. 

These new moon and full moon “rituals” typically are just an hour or so in the evening of the day of new moon and the day of the full moon.

It goes like this: My husband and I gather, put on some nice relaxing music, light a candle and a bundle of sage, and go through our check-in worksheets (linked below). 

We simply discuss and share what we wrote. Nothing more than that. 

This has also had a great unexpected side effect of providing time for my husband and I to connect on the state of our relationship and communicate on deeper levels than we’re normally prompted to do in every day life.

Life can get so “go, go, go” that a month can easily go by without us checking in with our families and our loved ones. These rituals have allowed us to carve out that time to check in with ourselves and each other. Priceless. 

Download my New Moon and Full Moon Ritual worksheets here


5. Using Essential Oils throughout the day


So essential oils are becoming a deep, deep love of mine, and you'll definitely be hearing a lot more about them. 

They have the ability to change your mood in an instant. They have the ability to change the entire feel of a room. 


I’ve started using them throughout my day in so many ways and they’ve literally changed so much about how I experience frustration, exhaustion, food cravings, mediation, sickness.. the list goes on. 

To keep it as brief as possible, here’s my typical daily essential oils routine: 

  • wake up, put water in the diffuser with wild orange and peppermint (hello bright shiny morning vibes!) 
  • during my morning meditation practice I’ll use rose, jasmine, or frankincense to ground me and clear my chakras. 
  • Apply the hormone balancing Clary Calm blend to my lower abdomen to keep hormones balanced and healthy throughout stressful days. 
  • Use passion blend throughout the workday when I’m feeling uninspired or sluggish. 
  • Diffuse balance, serenity, citrus bliss, elevation blend (all sorts! I can’t really say exactly what I use) throughout the day in my office to keep me feeling like I’m in a spa… ; ) 
  • Use on guard when I’m sick, imortelle on my face for anti-aging benefits, rosemary in my shampoo, deep blue with sore muscles, breathe when I do yoga.. Ok this is just crazy, but you get the point. It’s ALL THE TIME.
  • 30 min before bed I always start the bedroom diffuser with something relaxing like lavender and cedar wood or roman chamomile. 


**Interested in getting some medicinal grade essential oils? I am an essential oils educator and wellness advocate with doTERRA essential oils and would love to chat with you about how to use oils to address areas of your life where you need some self-care. Email me at revolutionaryhelpdesk@gmail.com to schedule a phone call. 

Ok, so those are 5 self-care practices that are working for me right now...

Now let me know, what's working for you? 

Practicing Peace with Ourselves for the Benefit of All

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The #metoo movement, the Time’s Up Campaign, and the massive energy behind women’s empowerment and what we expect from others as women has me all fired up in so many ways. 

It’s kind of like waking up from a life-long dream… 

Wait.... of COURSE, we need to speak out about the daily misogyny we experience as women! 

How could I have just been letting the cat calls, the uncomfortable comments like 'your jeans look like they fit really well,"or the lack of respect I feel, every time someone chooses to comment on a physical attribute of mine, instead of commenting on the attributes of my mind, my intellect or my kindness? I was just letting that stuff “go” as “part of the life in this world”. 

It is majorly messed up alarmingly often women get sexually assaulted in their homes, places of employment, etc and don’t speak out about it because they are worried about retribution, judgment, and being seen as the one who “stirs things up.” 

Well it’s over, time is up now. We WILL STIR THINGS UP, because we are all humans beings who deserve to be respected and seen for more than our bodies. 

 This is a great rule of thumb. 

This is a great rule of thumb. 

The thing I want to write about today is more about the source of this misogyny and how we, as women, can also be the perpetrators of violence. In our society when we think of violence we generally think of physical violence: inflicting physical harm to someone else. However, I want to expand that definition to any type of physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual harm we cause to ourselves or others. 

We must realize that gross and extreme examples of violence aren’t just random acts. Like all things that go against the goodness of human nature, they build up slowly over time. Definitions and boundaries; slowly being eroded with small toes over the line of decency. Something, and then another thing, and then another thing, gets shoved underground, passed off as "normal", and eventually all these subtly not-OK things begin to fester, become toxic, and turn into something really ugly. 

In the case of extreme acts of violence, it’s the more indirect acts of violence that are consistently permitted on a larger, broader scale. When these seemingly “small” harmful acts are allowed, deemed normal, or seen as necessary, it is inevitable that larger, more extreme acts of violence will eventually take place. In this way, the violence we perpetrate on ourselves on the seemingly inconspicuous levels contribute to the society-wide severe violence we seen in our culture. That is why, as women, we must say “no” to any and all violence inflicted against us by other people, but more importantly the acts of violence we inflict on ourselves. 

Internal violence is pervasive. These violent sentiments can show up in so many seemingly “normal” actions. Suppressing our hunger is an act of harm to our bodies. Overeating to fill an emotional void is an act of harm to our emotional state as well as our physical bodies. Deciding to push our bodies way harder than they want to be pushed in the gym is harmful. Eating junk food mindlessly. Starving ourselves. I would argue, that certain types of plastic surgery could be considered acts of violence towards our bodies. Literally cutting our skin, manipulating precious body parts to be closer to a standard of beauty that society sets for us and has nothing to do with our worthiness. The way we talk to ourselves, treat ourselves, and the disrespect for our bodies and what they need/want/are asking for, is a massive source of “subtle’ violence in our world. 

We can’t expect people who don’t love themselves to be able to love other people. It truly does, and always will, start with us. {This isn’t a call for the victims of sexual assault or violence to blame themselves, and if you’ve been violated or had violence done to you by someone else it was not your fault in any way, shape or form.} We all have to realize that we must stop the violence where ever we can. We must say “NO” to the violence perpetrated against ourselves in the form of negative self-talk, cruel self-commentary, and the assumption that we need to use harsh language or action with ourselves to create internal/external changes. 

Non-violence and peace starts with you and me. It starts in our ability to forgive ourselves. It starts with allowing ourselves to be flawed, and still speak to ourselves lovingly. It starts with complete and radical self-acceptance. It starts with having grace with ourselves. It starts by refusing to inflict violence on ourselves. 

Practicing peace towards ourselves, daily, will allow peace to overflow from our hearts and into the collective. As we are less judgmental of ourselves we become less judgmental of others. As we become more kind with ourselves, we notice we are kinder to others.

So let’s say “time’s up” to the violent, abusive thoughts, behaviors we have been perpetrating on ourselves. Let’s bring awareness to where we are allowing violence in our daily lives, and start to choose Love instead. As we build the momentum within our own lives, we will see it spread out to others. 

I'm with you relearning how to treat myself with more love, forgiveness, and allowance every step of the way. 

It's All Connected

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“It’s all connected. Your gifts, your circumstances, your imperfections, your destiny, your journey. It’s molding you. Embrace it.” 

I read this quote yesterday and it was one of those ah-ha moments. These moments sometimes hit me like a ton of bricks. Like someone’s been trying to explain something to me, and I’m kind of getting it, but then it all falls into place, and I see the tunnel of light leading me out of the darkness. 

You know what I mean? 

This clarity seems likes it’s never more than a split second, a little flash of Truth. Your head coming up for air, and looking around, and realizing that you thought you were drowning but you’ve actually been choosing to swim under water. 

But then, you dunk right back under and start the struggle again. Ah..so is life. The problem is, we’ve got so much momentum built up around our suffering, our struggles, our story, and staying in our heads. This momentum keeps doing things we know don’t work, just because we’ve done them before. Keeps us stuck, in a rut, spinning our wheels with the same beliefs and expectations for ourselves, because it’s “known”. 

However, these flashes of clarity, more and more leave me with a resonance. Even when I’m back under water, drowning in all the to dos, the need to’s, the plans, the expectations, I have this trace of remembrance, like something right on the tip of my tongue. A remembering that life can be sweet, simple, easy, and beautiful. A knowing that all is well and right. 

This quote gave me that flash of “I’ve got it!” 

An, “Oh my god!” moment. All of this struggle, all of this doubt, all of this uncertainty, it’s all part of IT. It’s sharpening my knife of capability. It’s strengthening my resolve. It’s molding me into who I need to be to be the best life-player I can be. 

How cool is that? That I can see all the challenges I’m being presented with in my life as opportunities to hone my skills. And trust that it is all happening FOR me and not TO me. How cool is it that we all get the choice to see our challenges this way, if we choose to. 

Another mantra I’ve been repeating to myself lately is, “My circumstances are not who I am, they are where I am.” Circumstances can change in an instant. The fact that you are 30 years old, living with your parents and jobless, does not make you a worse person than your friend who is the same age and makes six figures has designer furniture and a laberdoodle. 

Our circumstances do not define us. The help us. They lead us towards the lessons we need to learn to be the best possible us we can be. 

I know, I know, this might sound totally cheesy, but I’m writing this as much for myself as all of you. When we look at the hardships in our lives as stepping stones, leading us home, we can come up for air more often. 

We can bask in the luminosity of divine guidance and presence.

We can have trust and faith that we can choose to see this moment as an opportunity to come home. 

To remember our innate worthiness. 

To lighten-up. 

To get out of our head and back into our precious bodies. 

So, for anyone out there struggling to make sense of things, struggling to get out of bed in the morning, or to take care of themselves, remember: 

“It’s all connected. Your gifts, your circumstances, your imperfections, your destiny, your journey. It’s molding you. Embrace it.” 

Coming Back to America & Productivity Addiction

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It's been a little bit since I've reached out with anything new... and that's because I've returned to the United States after my year-long trek around the world. 

My husband and I are on the very last leg of our journey and today we'll actually set foot in OUR HOME! Right now, we're sitting in the Bozeman Food Co-op waiting for my mom to come pick us up and bring us home. It's snowing outside. We have all our suitcases piled around us as well as a week's worth of groceries that will actually go in my OWN kitchen. 

It feels right. 

I am so excited to have my own space again, more options for clothes than what can fit in a little packing cube, and to be seated at my own little desk in my own little office. 

That being said... 

Coming back to the United States from a year abroad has its difficulties. 

I am a person who is very sensitive to energy and "vibes" and part of what I would do in each country I visited is get a sense of the energy of that country and try to sum it up in a few words. 

Example: Bali is magical and heavy with discovery. India is chaotic and spiritual. Croatia is recovered and burgeoning. 

So when I landed in LAX from Guatemala, I immediately felt the American vibe of: stress, isolationism, and "rat-race-iness." (not to mention the smell of America is fast food restaurants and cleaning chemicals). 

We've been back stateside now for about 3 weeks visiting family and friends and slowly making our way north, and I've already found myself and my energy getting sucked back into this "go go go" energy. It's incredibly hard not to. 

We, as a society, are addicted to productivity. 

We have this idea that being “productive” somehow increases our value. The more we do, the more we’re worth. 

Making us feel like productivity equals love. And productivity starts to be equated to the biggest of all our root desires; connection. 

So we do more. We stretch ourselves further. We try to dig deeper into a well that’s already hit bedrock. We strive. We push.

More work. 
More workouts.
More healthy food.
More money. 
More things. 
More.

And, just like any addiction, this one is making us sick. Creating a surge in physical imbalances like adrenal fatigue, thyroid issues, hormone imbalances; mental/emotional imbalances like anxiety, depression, & a general lack of enthusiasm for life; spiritual imbalances like feeling like we have no purpose & meaning in our lives. 

In a climate like this..
(As Danielle Laporte says) “being still is an act of courage.” 


It is a brave & courageous act to stop, let go of the need to “do” & instead listen. 


To lay in savasana a little longer.
To let yourself sleep in.
To allow yourself to do nothing for an entire day.
To let the “to do” list fall by the wayside. 
4 day work weeks (which I am personally implementing this year).
Take a year long sabbatical.
Do shorter work days.
Take 15 min breaks every hour.

When you stop to reevaluate your life, you are taking a stand against our society-wide addiction & letting wisdom sink in. Creating space for healing to occur. 

Slowing down or stopping won’t get you any honors or congratulations, but when you are intentionally still you are doing something powerful & necessary. 

Pause to feel what’s happening to you. 
Pause to love. 
Pause to appreciate & feel gratitude.

Take a break, not to be more productive later, but because its the inhale to the exhale. 

I see you’re tired, love. I’m tired too. Let’s all rest & simply breathe. You are loved, you are loving, you are lovable, forever. 

You don’t have to do anything to deserve this. We’re in this together.

 

Only Love, 

 

Clara 

2018 Blessing & Year End Inventory Worksheet

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New Year 2018 Blessing

I hope you allow yourself to change your mind 

    as many times as you need to

I hope you go forth and do before you are completely ready

    because nothing ever happens as you think it should

I hope you feel the magic in your bones

    and use it with whimsy 

I hope you listen to the secrets your blood whispers to you

   and learn to trust your gut 

I hope you laugh too loud 

   because the world needs more unexpected laughter

I hope you dance 

   because your body needs more freedom 

I hope you know that you are supported always 

   even when (and especially when) you feel all alone

I hope you keep going into your heart because

   There is nothing that is not heaven when the knots around your heart loosen 

(wanna print this blessing for your fridge? Get printable version here

 

If you're wondering how to make the most of the new year without doing the dreaded "New Years Resolution" I'm giving you the process I personally go through instead in the form of a worksheet. This worksheet is a series of 6 questions that will guide you through taking an inventory of the past year and reflecting on what has worked and what hasn't worked so that you can move into 2018 in an intentional and care-full way. 

By going through these simple 6 questions you'll end up with ONE WORD that will encompass the feelings you would like to cultivate in 2018. You can come back to this word throughout 2018 and use it to come back to your center, your desired feelings, and your intention. 

Only Love, 

 

Clara 

Men Too

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I am a woman who believes that my main purpose on this Earth is to bring love where there has been no love before. To expand into and through Love.

Sometimes I see this purpose being fulfilled by guiding and standing beside other women while they awaken to their innate worthiness. I offer practices, information, ideas, and methodologies that have helped me clear the channel to my inner divinity, and therefore may help other women do the same.

Kind of in the vein of the quote by Zan Romanoff, "Hope isn't valid unless it's being espoused by someone who is keenly aware of the stupid, shitty, petty pointlessness of life," I am committed to espousing my brand of hope and truth from an authentic, honest, and clear-about-what-it-takes place. It's definitely not always easy to live a life based in real Truth. It takes courage. It takes guts. It takes riding the waves of emotion and trusting that you have the power to alchemize anything and everything the world throws at you into love. A life lived like this will not always be pretty and it will a lot of the time feel like you are continually, perpetually walking into the dark unknown. 

My work is almost exclusively with women and I know, deeply and personally, that women need to feel empowered and enlivened for this world to come back into balance and be able to hold more Love and Truth.

But, because I am committed to consistently stepping into the unknown and taking the posture of seeing beyond "normal" everyday interpretations of the world, I’ve been thinking about men's role in this "feminine rising." I’ve been seeing more clearly what is going on in the world of #metoo. Seeing it for a painful imbalance in our masculine & feminine energies.

The travesties that happen to women on a daily basis; and have been happening for thousands of years, must come to the surface to be healed. We must process now the anger that has been brewing under the surface, that stems from the boundaries that have been massively and repeatedly disrespected and obliterated. We must rise up in Love & say, “No more.”

But we also must understand this one fact: all minds are joined.

When women are hurt, disrespected, preyed upon, men feel that too. Men are victims of this travesty as well, in different ways. The sadness and constriction that comes with not being able to freely express emotions weighs heavy on the male half of our psyches. The idea that emotions are weak hurts us to the core and makes us feel insecure.

The fact that so many men are so disconnected from their true essence that they seek comfort in shallow sexual interactions and don’t even seem capable of deep commitment because they’ve never been taught to commit truly to themselves, is deeply tragic.

The suppression of feelings and the accepted idea of “strong & silent” type is rippling through everything; relationships, business, politics, and its just as important an issue to talk about and bring awareness to.

So... if you’re a man out there reading this know that when I talk about feminine empowerment I am not simply talking about females, I’m talking about ALL of us stepping more harmoniously into BOTH of our halves. I am talking about empowering the harmony between male and female, in all of us. This is what will really start to shift us into a consciousness that serves Love equally and more deeply.

The Difference Between Selfishness & Self-Love

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This week I had an email exchange with a client of mine that I worked with back in the “old days” when I was just offering nutrition advice and food-as-medicine coaching. She had reached out to send me a little Christmas update on her health and life, but also to see how my travels were going. 

(I LOVE my clients, they are seriously the best). 

In this email she wrote, “How is the theme for your book starting to take shape? I hope that it has something to do with foods, cultures, and/or longevity of life in certain environments.  I would be disappointed in a self-love book though since I have to say that I try to keep myself focused on doing for others. Getting all wrapped up in myself is never good for me.“ 

I’m not sure everyone knows this, but my book is absolutely about self-love practice. I did for awhile think I was going to write a type of cookbook, but as my own healing and thoughts progressed I shifted my perspective. I have consistently experienced that healing isn’t as much about food as it is about our attitude toward life. Having a heavy dose of self-respect and compassion as an aspect of that attitude is the MOST important part of True Healing. 

That being said, I think there is an idea (although I believe this idea is dying out) that self-love and selfishness are the same thing. There could be nothing further from the truth. Through this email exchange, however, I’ve realized I need to address the difference between these two concepts clearly and concisely if I’m going to continue to proselytize Self-Love. 

So here are the definitions of “selfishness” and “Self-Love”, as defined by google. 

Selfishness: (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.

Self-Love: regard for one's own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic).

Ok, those give us some idea of the difference, but let me tease them out a bit. 

My belief, is that true Self-Love is a form of Universal Love. It’s tapping into that Love that is bigger and broader than anything we can imagine and allowing ourselves to be a conduit for that Love. I believe that we can never truly serve others unless we live from a place of an overflowing heart. We will never be in a state of overflow if our focus is outwards all the time. All outward energy and no inward energy makes us tends towards people-pleasing, indulging, lack of boundaries, and general disharmony within ourselves. 

Self-Love isn't getting wrapped up in ourselves, our “problems” or our egoic achievements, this is what I would call “selfishness.” Developing Self-Love means developing an unconditional love for ourselves so that we see, each moment, that we are a divine and holy channel for a Bigger Love. 

If we live our lives thinking that we don’t deserve our own Love, we are denying that we are Divine Love and we restrict our ability to channel it. By looking only outward for opportunities to “serve” and denying our opportunity to serve our Highest Self, we constrict the channel within us that brings Divine Love to the world through us

When we run ourselves ragged, and live from a place of lack and overwhelm, we will never be able to feel completely WHOLE and HOLY. I’ve seen it over and over again with my clients and very dramatically in myself, that when we focus on loving ourselves unconditionally, we heal ourselves AND the others around us, without effort. I'm being healed by offering these perspectives into the world, and in this way, my Self-Love, is feeding Bigger Love. 

 

Your Purpose is Not to Be Tiny or Pretty

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Something came up for me during a conversation with a client that I wanted to riff on because I think it's something we all need to hear sometimes. 

"No matter what the point of life may be, I think we should all agree it isn't to be the most beautiful or tiny." @thefuckitdiet

Sometimes we get so lost in the insanity (yes, it is insanity) of:

  • losing that last 10lbs
  • feeling or looking leaner
  • sticking religiously to a certain food plan or diet
  • wishing our lips were fuller 
  • wishing or noses were smaller
  • wishing our cheekbones were higher
  • wishing our thighs were smaller 
  • wishing our skin was clearer
  • wishing we looked or were younger 

you get the point.... I could go on and on.. 

But when we're in our heads wishing, hoping, obsessing over these things we not only take up space that could be used for useful things, we forget that we are multi-dimensional beings of stardust that are here to fulfill amazing purposes and do rad things, like...

make babies, love each other, travel the world, hold doors open for people, hold each other, pet dogs, love cats, take care of our aging parents, teach teenagers how to be good people, cook dinner for our families, and literally so much more. 

Ladies! Let's wake up!  

  • The size of your belly doesn’t matter. 
  • The fact that your thighs rub together when you walk doesn't matter. 
  • The symmetry of your face doesn't matter. 
  • These are all just surface level stuff. 
  • Facades. 

YOU matter. 

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy, our bodies want to be wholly healthy too, but when our preoccupation with these precious physical forms overrides our ability to be who we are, right now, in the moment and takes away our inner knowing that we are freaking, amazing, wondrous beings whose every breath and heartbeat is a mystery we lose the magic of everyday life. And, therefore, stop feeling the wonder of everyday life. 

You are magic. You are enough. 

Your purpose is not to be beautiful or tiny or lean or have perfect feet (or perfect anything for that matter) your job is to be you and love you. 

I love you. You're incredible. 

How to be a Grown Ass Woman

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One of my friends said to me this week, "I feel like our world is in dire need of more grown ass people."

And it got me thinking... 

I would define a "grown ass person" as follows: 
People who say what they mean. People who take real responsibility for their actions, words and the effects those actions and words have on others. Not from a place is self-defacement or berating themselves for screwing up if they do, but from a genuine desire to grow and develop and expand themselves. 

Like a real grown up. 

I'm a firm believer in treating people as if they are mature, grown-ups who, when given the correct information, can weigh the pros and cons of any certain situation, and make their own educated decisions. 

I always choose mutual respect as my default baseline interaction with anyone I come in contact with. If someone shows me that they don't reciprocate this mutual respect I can always adjust my behavior accordingly, but, for me, it always seems to work out better to give people the 'adult benefit of the doubt.'

I barely ever have experiences with bad or rude customer service. 

It's rare for me to have someone road-rage at me. 

I sign up pretty much every potential coaching client I get on a phone call with that I would like to work with.

And my track record for friendly and lovely conversations with strangers is pretty much 100%. 

I would say most the people I encounter in my life, are decent, grown-ups. 


The expectations we go into an interaction with another person with determine a huge portion of what we get in return. If we expect people to be stupid, difficult, and mean, they will most likely be that. If we expect people to hate us and treat us like shit, they probably will. 

But... the same goes for the opposite. 
If we’re honest, real and vulnerable, people will most likely be honest, real and vulnerable with us.
If we respect people and their ability to make your own choices, they will do the same for us.
If I pay my bills right away, it’s more likely my clients will pay their invoices right away.

There is a certain reciprocity that happens in every element of interaction with another person; en energetic exchange that people read off you and mirror back to you.

I think sometimes we associate being an “adult” with chronological age like somehow we just become an adult as a result of an accumulation of years. But to really “grow up” we have to fully participate in the process of learning, dealing with consequences of our actions, learning about ourselves, deciding what we value and how we want to show up, and then actually acting on those values.


I want to live in a world where the people around me act like grown ass humans, who know who they are and what they want, and make trade-offs for upholding those values. And as I let this belief and expectation be seen, I will get more of exactly that.

I am not blind. I know there is a lot of childish rhetoric going around in the media, news, and the general conversation, but I truly believe that we have to start expecting more of people. We have fallen into the expectation that people will be polarizing, combative, and unreasonable. But the truth is, we have great abilities, in ourselves, to change this, and seeing and treating other people like grown-ups is a big part of making this shift to a more reasonable world.


So let’s all treat each other with love and like the autonomous, sovereign beings, we are. Let's expect people to handle themselves gracefully and fairly, and see what happens.

What I Know for Sure

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1. I am Supported

I know that we live in a benevolent universe. I know that every single thing that happens to you, to me, to everyone is part of something that is supporting us through a journey of learning to love more deeply, more comprehensively, and more totally. 

I know shitty things happen. I know painful things happen. I know experiences and people can be unfair, overwhelming, and seemingly hopeless. But I also know that when we feel the burn of hurt, it’s the exact opportunity to give in, to crack open, to say, “I don’t know the answers,” and let ourselves be guided by this Universal support. It’s simple, but not always easy. 

2. Self-Love is the Always the Answer

Out of every single person in the world, I am the only one who knows what it feels like to be me.  I am the only person who hears how I hear, who sees how I see, who loves the way I love, who experiences sadness in my way, who understands joy the way I’m meant to. I am, was and will be, with myself. It’s the one thing I can always guarantee. If I don’t love me, I’m in a very difficult situation. 

When we put our happiness, worthiness, or valuation in someone or something else, we are saying something else matters more than our own sovereignty. When we say to ourselves consciously or unconsciously, “For me to be happy, I need him to love me,” or “I’ll really be myself when I lose these last 10 pounds,” we are literally saying someone or something else has control over how much we are worth, how much we deserve, and how much we have. 

It doesn’t matter how much love you get from other people. It doesn’t matter what your body looks like or how many pretty, awesome, expensive things you have. If you don’t love yourself, it’s all just a guise, a false front. Self-love, loving ourselves honestly and fully, is the key to having a fulfilling life. It’s the key to everything I care about and want to care about. 

3. I am Responsible for EVERYTHING that Happens to Me

(See last week’s blog post about the differences between responsibility, fault, and blame for more clarification.)

This is the most empowering statement I can think of. Living in this space is the space where miracles happen. It is where we take control of our lives, our fates, and our happiness. 

People always rally against this idea though.They want to say, “but what about when my husband cheated on me?” or “what about when my dad died in a car wreck?” Yes, these awful things happen, and they hurt and they are not your fault. But you do get to decide what you do with it. You do get to decide how you react. You do get to decide how you see what’s left after the bomb drops. 

4. Where There is Fear There is Power (or Real Vulnerability Makes Us Invulnerable)

This will be it’s own blog post someday I’m sure. But I know that true power lies in being exactly who you are. Being exactly who you are means no hiding, no pretending, and no covering up. The paradox is that only when we become completely vulnerable, do we become invulnerable because there is nothing else to figure out. Every place we feel fear it’s because there is a part of ourselves we haven’t totally integrated. As we become a fully integrated, self-realized human being, we realize we held the power all along. 

 

We are bigger, braver and kinder than we could ever imagine. Remember that. 

 

Only Love, 

 

Clara 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blame, Fault & Responsibility

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This past week I listened to Mark Manson's book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck," and this book is GOOOOOODDDD. Read it. Listen to it. You won't be sorry, especially if you're struggling with something that you're not quite sure how to move through. 

One of the concepts that created an "aha moment" for me was the distinction he made between Blame, Responsibility, and Fault. I've known for a long time that taking responsibility for our lives and our experiences is THE cornerstone of personal development. It's the lesson we have to learn over and over again. But it always feels a little insensitive to tell someone who has just had something incredibly traumatic happen to them or has a big painful mess in their life their dealing with that they need to "take responsibility". It just always seems a little asshole-y, and I don't want to be an asshole. 

I'm almost always for 'telling it like it is' with compassion. I'm not afraid to make people uncomfortable by starting confrontational conversations that need to be had. I will never enable a friend's or client's old patterns with my words. However, telling someone who's dog just died that they need to take responsibility, just doesn't seem cool or feel good. 

I'm dealing with something personally where I am in a lot of pain because of the actions of another person. (sorry to be vague, I just don't feel quite healed enough to share the details) For all intents and purposes, this action that hurt me was taken by someone else and totally blindsided me. I think any interaction where two parties are involved, there is always the "it takes two to tango" aspect, but I can honestly say that I feel pretty innocent. 

So... taking responsibility for the hurt, pain, anger, sadness, disappointment, etc has been really difficult for me, because I feel like the victim. On a few levels, I am the victim, but I also know a victim-mentality never helped anyone. So this distinction between blame, fault, and responsibility really helped me work through that victim mentality and come to a more productive and healing outcome. 

So here's the distinctions: 

Blame

In a situation where someone or multiple someones is/are hurt, who is to blame is a valid question. It is totally fair to blame someone/something other than yourself if you've been hurt. The example I'll use is your boyfriend cheating on you. If your boyfriend cheats on you, the pain you feel from that breach of trust is very real and would not have been there had your boyfriend not cheated on you. This pain can absolutely be blamed on him. Ok, before you feel justified in your blaming and naming, read on. 


Fault

The main thing we need to understand is that fault is not always linked to responsibility. In our society, we tend to think fault equals responsibility, and sometimes it absolutely does. If you hit someone with your car, it's probably your fault. However, if we stay with this example of the cheating boyfriend, it is not your fault your boyfriend cheated on you. You could have been having arguments, you could not have gotten along with his friends, whatever, none of that makes it your fault. He took the action and cheated. That could never be your fault. Again, keep reading though...  



Responsibility

This is something you always, always have. There are no other options. We are the only ones that live in our bodies and are the only ones living our lives, so we always have responsibility for the way we react no matter who is at fault or who is to blame. Again with the cheating example, your boyfriend can be blamed for your pain, it is his fault that your relationship is blown up, however, it is still your responsibility to decide what to do with all this. You could see it as an impetus for change in your relationship, maybe it's a gift letting you know he is an asshole before you married him, or maybe it's an opportunity to look at yourself and how you act in your relationships. 

Taking responsibility for EVERYTHING is the only option for an empowered life, but that most certainly doesn't mean you have to take on blame or fault yourself. 

Want help getting clear on how to take responsibility for your life without feeling guilty or ashamed? 

I have 10 slots open for my 30min $20 Introductory Self-Love Sessions this week and next week. Request yours by filling out this form (first come, first serve).