This week I have been feeling a call to turn inward.
In the past I might have viewed this feeling as laziness, lack of motivation, or just generally that “something was wrong with me.” I would have fought it. I would have pushed at it and said, “C’mon, get moving! We’ve got STUFF to DO! I can’t have you moping around and making me feel like I’m stuck in a vat of honey all the time.”
But now, with more discernment and understanding of myself and my tendencies, I don’t see this feeling as something that needs to be “pushed” through or changed in anyway. I simply recognize it as my inner being calling for a phase of rebuilding, recuperating, retreating inwards.
To exhale, we must inhale.
For the summer to come we’ve got to have a winter.
These are the truths of nature and of life.
In a society that values “getting shit done” and “productivity” and material gain above almost anything else; slowing down and giving up productivity and material gain in exchange for more time spent ‘being’ with ourselves can feel almost shameful.
That’s where that voice urging my desire for stillness to go away comes from. It comes from the idea that if I stop and slow down and listen to the parts of me that may want to some rest, some peace, some re-membering of something deeper, that I will somehow loose my spot in the proverbial line of life. That if I don’t “keep up” I’ll be unloved and left behind and also, *gasp* that I might not be a “good” person. A “good” person works really hard, sacrifices, and pushes through discomfort, after all.
Not for me. I have experienced being that exhausted person, and I’m willing to be most of us have or are experiencing that hollow, fatigue-worn place of attempting to “do it all.” It’s not fun. It’s not what I want my life to look like.
So when I feel the call to turn inward I do it. It doesn’t mean my entire life comes to a half. There are a thousand ways to do one thing, and I figure out a way to put my to-do list on the chopping block, eliminate unnecessary tasks (hire a cleaning lady or let the house get dirty, cook simpler, easier meals or eat the same thing over and over again, take a bath instead of checking the email at night), and give myself a little extra wiggle room in my calendar. Take a self-care day. Dance. Go for long walks surrounded by nature.
One thing that I love to do when I’m feeling that inward call is to energetically explore my heart space. The heart space is where we experience our inner innocence. In the space of the heart we can actually experience the part of ourselves that is completely clear and pure. The part of us that is never tarnished by experiences, perceived mistakes and failures. The energetic space of the heart is the place we need to ground in to when we are feeling unworthy, shameful or broken.
As gift to all of you I have recorded a practice I use during these times of internal reconnection. Please download it here (https://www.clarawisner.com/meditations) and use for yourself if you feel called.