5 Ways to Love Yourself

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I believe that self-love is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. Like in the world. Like always and forever.

Ok, strong statements, I know, but hear me out… 

Out of every single person in the world, I am the only one who knows what it feels like to be me.  I am the only person who hears how I hear, who sees how I see, who loves the way I love, who experiences sadness in my way, who understands joy the way I’m meant to. I am, was and will be, with myself. It’s the one thing I can guarantee. If I don’t love me, I’m in a very difficult situation. And all this goes for you. 

When we put our happiness, worthiness, valuation in someone or something else, we are saying something else matters more than our own sovereignty. When we say to ourselves consciously or unconsciously, “For me to be happy, I need him to love me,” or “I’ll really be myself when I lose these last 10 pounds,” we are literally saying someone or something else has control over how much we are worth, how much we deserve, and how much we have. 

It doesn’t matter how much love you get from other people. It doesn’t matter what your body looks like or how many pretty, awesome, expensive things you have. If you don’t love yourself, it’s all just a guise, a false front. The core of happiness isn’t there. 

I have the incredible privilege to talk about, practice, and explore self-love every day. It is my soul obsession. It’s my purpose. Not because I think I am doing the world a service (although, I certainly hope I am!) but because it’s what I want to do, and I love and trust myself fully so I follow the urge. Simple as that. 

I’m currently traveling around the world, exploring self-love practices and spiritual theories and slowly compiling it all into a book about self-love. I work with clients all over the world as a self-love guide, walking beside women, whispering to their hearts as I can, so that they can wake up to their own inner well-spring of love. 

Here’s the Truth that I know: If we don’t need external validation, we’re much more inclined to follow our hearts. And if we all followed that precious, holy space called our heart more often we would be kinder, more loving, and less afraid. 

Here are 5 ways to love yourself, today, right now, this week, whenever you’re ready to start. These are by no means the only ways. You get to decide the ways that work for you because you are a powerful and sovereign being with all the answers inside of you, but in case you need some help, a little information, may these 5 points be a guide. 

  1. Spend time with yourself, honestly, without distractions. This isn’t “treat yo’self” stuff like pedicures and massages (although those are definitely good forms of self-care and can be part of self-love). This could be meditation. This could just be sitting on your couch facing bravely whatever comes up when it’s quiet and you’re alone, and actually feeling it. You can’t fall in love with someone if you don’t spend time alone with them. Spend time alone with yourself. 
  2. Get really clear on what you want. Down to every last detail. You are worthy of whatever your heart desires. Spend the time to figure out what that is. You can do this as a grand whole, or you can do this for each little situation. What do you want when it comes to your love life? What do you want for dinner tonight? Get clear on all of it. You can’t get somewhere if you don’t know where you’re going, the more details, the better. 
  3. Stay in your body. Embodiment is powerful. Our bodies are precious, sacred, and holy. For us to be present we must be able to stand powerfully and confidently in our own bodies. I have so much more to say about this (it’s an entire section in my book, maybe more), but this is the basis: stay in your body. Feel it. Be it. Revere it for the awesome treasure it is. 
  4. Use your voice. This can mean different things for different people. It could be singing or chanting. It could be standing up for yourself in a situation where you’ve been walked all over or disregarded. It could be giving someone a compliment or telling them you love them. Use your voice. It’s powerful and needed.
  5. Trust your instincts. Stop second guessing yourself. Don’t ask why you want what you want. You can trust yourself. It’s OK if you mess up. It’s OK if you don’t get it right. You’ll still have you. At some point, you have to take the leap of faith and Trust that heart of yours. Break up with the guy. Quit the job. Go travel to that place. Take the course. Share your heart. Change up your diet. Stop talking to that lady who always makes you feel inadequate. Give in to the pull. Let things fall away. Start small if you need to, but practice makes perfect and to practice trusting your True self, you’ve got to start. 

I’ve created an online program, revolutionize your life: 21-weeks to self-love, that was birthed out of this beautiful obsession with self-love, my personal journey, and my walking alongside clients. This program puts all of this experience with self-love into a comprehensive and intentional process that allows you to enter the sanctuary of your own heart. A place you have within you, always. A place that never judges, never punishes, and is never not there. 

If you are feeling the resonance with this self-love activation and you know that you want to start making self-love a priority, I invite you to check out the program information and see where it takes you. 

I’m offering the readers of the piece a special code: SAVE500, which will save you $500 when entered in the coupon code space during the check out process (valid for one week).  

Only Love, 

Clara 

5 Ways to Change Your Bad Attitude Right Now

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As you know if you’ve been following me I'm traveling around the world to write a book and experience true life by design. It’s been amazing. It’s brought on so much gratitude and heart opening and love. But, it’s also been a huge ongoing lesson in stepping out of my comfort zone. Right now, I live outside my comfort zone. 

This past week we’ve arrived in Guatemala, which will be our home base until January 2018. Since my husband already speaks Spanish and I would love to learn it, and since this will be our home for a significant amount of time I decided to sign myself up for Spanish school… 4 hours a day, for three weeks. On top of that, we also decided to live with a Guatemalan family for three weeks so we can be truly submerged in all things Espanol. 

Now, let’s talk about comfort zones. 

As someone who has been obsessed with personal development for the majority of her life, I am pretty comfortable being uncomfortable. You can't develop personally unless you’re willing surrender your ideas about what is and what isn't, and put faith in things outside your current perceptions. Give me lots of meditation practices to do, I’m on it. Tell me to change my limiting beliefs, I know exactly where to start. Put me in a cramped bus in Africa with only standing room, no problem. Put a chicken on my lap and five screaming kids around me, I'll laugh. If, to get to the next level, I need leap into the unknown, I can do it, it won’t always be easy but I can do it. I dig adversity and I know to grow you have to face it. 

However, there is one thing that still makes me super uncomfortable and brings up oodles of resistance and excuses, and that is a situation where I can’t say what I want to the people around me. Sure, it’s OK if I'm checking into a hotel and the desk clerk doesn’t speak English, in this case it's pretty obvious what needs to happen, give me a key and a room number. I don't mind too much trying to explain to a taxi driver in a foreign country where I need to get to. Pull out a map and point usually works fine. But to not be able to communicate with the people I see day after day because I don't know how to ask questions or tell them they look nice, or that I enjoy the food they cooked for me, gets me all sorts of bothered and frustrated. 

So… as you can imagine attending these Spanish classes and living with a family that speaks only Spanish has been something that has the potential to get me really, really uncomfortable. And when I get uncomfortable to this extent, I tend to make excuses as to why it’s 'too hard.' I watch myself starting to develop a shitty attitude toward the whole experience because it becomes everything else’s fault that I don’t feel good. 

I think we’ve all experienced this phenomenon, right? 

It goes like this: We’re upset because things aren’t going the way we would like them to, so we project that out onto the situation and blame the people, the place, or just the whole situation itself for the way we feel. 

But the truth is, we are responsible for the way we feel in any situation. We get to decide how to react to ANY situation that comes our way. We are not victims of this world. We are creative and powerful beings of star dust that get to decide if we will place our loyalty in LOVE or FEAR, during each and every moment. 

So when we are truly struggling to keep our creative power in mind, when the situation is so far outside our comfort zone that our normal methods of bringing ourselves back to the truth don’t work, I’ve come up with 5 things we can do, right this moment, to shift our attitude from one of negativity to one of positivity.  

1. Change your perspective.

I mean literally change the way you are observing the world. Lay on the ground, get a horizontal perspective. Do a handstand against the wall, see the situation upside down. Do a summersault, see the world turning. Spin around in circles until you fall over, see the world spinning. Just do it. It works! 

2. Take a power pose.

In the same way that our thoughts can change our physical body, the position of our physical body can change our thoughts. So if you’re feeling all closed off and salty, stand in a pose that opens you up and makes you feel connected for 5 mins. One of my favorites is seated on the ground with arms and face open toward the sky, receiving. You could also stand with feet wider than hip distance apart, hands on hips and a big fat smile on your face. 

3. Go outside.

If you’re feeling like everything is too hard and everything is just not fair, just go take a walk around the block. Get outside. Even better yet, take your shoes off and let your feet touch the earth. Everything seems a lot less hopeless and frustrating with the sun on your face, earth under your feet, and the wind in your hair. 

4. Just Breathe.

Take 10 deep breaths. Like really, really deep breaths. In through the nose, filling up the lungs from the bottom to the top, and out through the mouth. This may sound like an overused one, but that’s only because it actually works. When we breathe deeply and our diaphragm presses into our intestines this signals to our brain that nothing is wrong and that it is safe to go into the parasympathetic nervous system response (rest and digest). Which means we can think more clearly and more lovingly. 

5. Recite or write down three things you are grateful for

Gratitude is the gateway drug to joy. It's a prerequisite of a happy life. When we bring attention to what we are grateful for it immediately changes our outlook. 

BONUS!

If none of the above work for you and you’re still feeling like your attitude is sucky just stop doing what you’re doing and come back to it later. If you’re all crabby your style is most definitely cramped and you’re not doing your best work, being nice, or bringing good vibes to whatever it is you're working on experience. It’s perfectly acceptable to go take a breather. Change what you’re doing. Watch some Game of Thrones. Eat some dark chocolate. The key is ENJOY what you take a break doing. Don’t take a break and then feel guilty for taking a break. Come back to your frustrating work after you’re feeling less up the wall. 

Leave a comment and let me know if you tried any of these are what you experienced.. 

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Sacred Rituals

What is a sacred ritual?

These two words might conjure up images of naked women dancing around a bomb fire, or pagan sacrifices, or maybe even a taking communion at a church. Or, like me, you could have flashbacks of Buffy the Vampire Slayer reading out of some ancient book and casting spells. It could also illicit an eye-roll or two. I'm OK with that. I get it. 

If you would, please, suspend these preconceived notions about what a sacred ritual looks like or is for the duration of the time it takes to read this.

What if sacred rituals were just little actions we partook in that reminded us that there are circumstances in this world that are mysterious and out-of-of-our-control-in-a-good-way? 

We typically want everything in our life to have some semblance of control. We like comfort, consistency, and safety. This makes sense! We should want to have shelter, food, and the guarantee that our life isn't in danger. 

However, when we cling to this idea of needing-to-know too desperately, we are completely thrown off when things (inevitably) show us that we don't always have control. 

Typically, when we do realize we're not in control our mind immediately goes to the worst possible scenario.  As Gabby Bernstein explains in her book "The Universe Has Your Back" we live our lives like we're the girl in the horror movie just about to have something awful jump out in front of her. We're throwing popcorn at the screen and saying "DON'T DO IT!! YOU'RE GONNA GET HURT!!!".

The funny thing is, unlike the predictable horror movie, there normally isn't a bad guy around the corner. We're typically totally OK, and even when we're not, we typically figure it out. But we put a lot of unnecessary stress on ourselves by constantly being in the scene. 

What if the unknown or the mysterious didn't send us into a horror movie but gave us a sense of awe and wonder? 

What if instead of using our imaginations to create awful scenarios, we create beautiful ones?

Is it really that much crazier to think that taking the time to give a little offering of prayer and love to the universe could positively affect the outcome of a difficult situation, than (one of my recurring horror scenes) to feel like you're DEFINITELY going to die while you're driving in a snowstorm? We always seem to believe in the bad projections of the future and scoff at the possibility that there could be wondrous outcomes. 

Here in Bali, each day people put these little offerings (called on their doorsteps and around their home and light incense. They take the time and put the effort into creating these beautiful little offerings. These offerings are a repeated act of faith by Balinese Hindus and can be infused with intentions, prayers, or just simply put out to ask for good fortune. 

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Can you imagine if every person spent the time and effort of putting together a beautiful little offering and lit some incense every morning?

And so I've been thinking about this question. About the role of sacred rituals and how I might be able to create them in my life in the modern world. My feeling is that if we made time for something that felt like a sacred ritual in our lives we would feel more connected to the magic in our souls and ultimately more joyful. We would direct more of our abundant imaginative energy towards the positive instead of reliving our horror movie scene over and over. 

These sacred rituals are less about what we do, but more about how we do it. Whatever you do, do it with reverence and appreciation of something larger than just our daily routine, you can literally infuse anything with sacredness if you see it from a larger point of view. 

We are multi-dimensional beings and acknowledging our sacredness could connect us more to the aspects of ourselves that get pushed aside in our daily grind, and turn us on to the positive possibilities that come from releasing control with love instead of fear. 

So light some incense tonight. Say some prayers. Have a hot bath and honor your sacred body.

Do something that feels like it has magic in it and let me know how you feel after.... ✨💫

If you're interested in partaking in a sacred ritual but have no idea where to start I have recorded one of mine. Watch it here. Use this ritual for planting new 'seeds' in your life. A perfect time to practice this is on the night of the new moon, but it can be practiced at any time you feel you need to get back to neutral and imagine new and postive outcomes.