being vulnerable

Do You Celebrate Yourself?

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This past week I reached a personal business goal of mine that I have been putting a lot energy & intention towards for a very long time.

A lot of working on weekends, taking trips away from my family, not taking part in social events, later work nights, longer days, sacrificing the pleasure of now for the pleasure of the long term.. all culminating this month.

There is something so incredibly satisfying about setting a goal and accomplishing it.

The intention is set. The decision is made. The challenge is accepted. The work begins. Energy is channeled toward the desired outcome.

Sometimes a goal comes more easily than we expected. 

Most the time we take a few wrong turns on the way. We might go backwards for a bit. We might lose track of the end goal in the details of getting there. A lot of times we are required to readjust the goal in one way or another. Change our expectations. Make exceptions. 

But if we continue to keep moving forward and train our mind to latch on to only love, we will always, eventually, make it to where we are supposed to, in perfect time.

After we reach the goal, we feel accomplished, maybe even overjoyed.

It’s in that space that I am now.

In the past I would (and I think a lot of people tend to do this as well) immediately move on to the next “bigger” and “better” goal. Or find the reasons why the goal I reached wasn’t really such an accomplishment, and play it down. I would rain on my own parade by immediately demanding more from myself. Comparing myself to others who had reached more “impressive” goals; downplaying all the joy.

But now, I choose to stop in the midst of this celebration of myself.

I choose to really revel in the fulfillment.

I choose to congratulate and love on the people who ran with me and made it possible (I would never pretend that I reach my goals on my own). 

I choose to see myself and my people; victorious.

To be still and create space around the feeling of jubilant satisfaction of truly creating something meaningful, and get really, really familiar with this feeling. Because I plan on having a lot more of it.

Part of the reason people can get so downtrodden, ambivalent, and lukewarm when it comes to the goals they set for themselves is that they have never actually let themselves FEEL how good it feels to create. They don't celebrate themselves.

That is one of the MOST motivating feelings ever.

Brene Brown says that joy is the most vulnerable of emotions. And it IS! If you really let yourself be truly joyful, the threat of you getting blindsided is greater. The part of ourselves that is protecting us from judgement, pain, and disconnection might feel that joy is actually something that needs to be tempered.

So we end up hedging our joy with an edge of down play. We temper our sunny celebration with a hint of grey skepticism. It makes a weird kind of sense. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

So, today I choose to really & deeply experience this win of mine.

I choose to celebrate.

I choose to remember what it feels like to feel really, really satisfied.

Are you with me?

 

 

What I Know for Sure

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1. I am Supported

I know that we live in a benevolent universe. I know that every single thing that happens to you, to me, to everyone is part of something that is supporting us through a journey of learning to love more deeply, more comprehensively, and more totally. 

I know shitty things happen. I know painful things happen. I know experiences and people can be unfair, overwhelming, and seemingly hopeless. But I also know that when we feel the burn of hurt, it’s the exact opportunity to give in, to crack open, to say, “I don’t know the answers,” and let ourselves be guided by this Universal support. It’s simple, but not always easy. 

2. Self-Love is the Always the Answer

Out of every single person in the world, I am the only one who knows what it feels like to be me.  I am the only person who hears how I hear, who sees how I see, who loves the way I love, who experiences sadness in my way, who understands joy the way I’m meant to. I am, was and will be, with myself. It’s the one thing I can always guarantee. If I don’t love me, I’m in a very difficult situation. 

When we put our happiness, worthiness, or valuation in someone or something else, we are saying something else matters more than our own sovereignty. When we say to ourselves consciously or unconsciously, “For me to be happy, I need him to love me,” or “I’ll really be myself when I lose these last 10 pounds,” we are literally saying someone or something else has control over how much we are worth, how much we deserve, and how much we have. 

It doesn’t matter how much love you get from other people. It doesn’t matter what your body looks like or how many pretty, awesome, expensive things you have. If you don’t love yourself, it’s all just a guise, a false front. Self-love, loving ourselves honestly and fully, is the key to having a fulfilling life. It’s the key to everything I care about and want to care about. 

3. I am Responsible for EVERYTHING that Happens to Me

(See last week’s blog post about the differences between responsibility, fault, and blame for more clarification.)

This is the most empowering statement I can think of. Living in this space is the space where miracles happen. It is where we take control of our lives, our fates, and our happiness. 

People always rally against this idea though.They want to say, “but what about when my husband cheated on me?” or “what about when my dad died in a car wreck?” Yes, these awful things happen, and they hurt and they are not your fault. But you do get to decide what you do with it. You do get to decide how you react. You do get to decide how you see what’s left after the bomb drops. 

4. Where There is Fear There is Power (or Real Vulnerability Makes Us Invulnerable)

This will be it’s own blog post someday I’m sure. But I know that true power lies in being exactly who you are. Being exactly who you are means no hiding, no pretending, and no covering up. The paradox is that only when we become completely vulnerable, do we become invulnerable because there is nothing else to figure out. Every place we feel fear it’s because there is a part of ourselves we haven’t totally integrated. As we become a fully integrated, self-realized human being, we realize we held the power all along. 

 

We are bigger, braver and kinder than we could ever imagine. Remember that. 

 

Only Love, 

 

Clara