revolutionary lifetyle

You're Not Special

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You are not special.

But you are the ONLY you. 

Stay humble.

But CLAIM your worth, every moment. 

Not taking “no” for an answer.. isn’t the secret to success.

Working hard is necessary, but there are plenty of people who work much harder than you or me and make much, much less money.

How do you explain that? 

If we keep telling the same old tired “secrets to success” stories of how we worked harder than everyone else, we didn’t take “no” for an answer, or we stayed expertly focused, when other people were all over the place.. we’re perpetuating the narrative of “the harder you work; the more you deserve.”

Or “the more rejection you take, the more you deserve praise.”

Or ultimately, what I call the pain equals pleasure principle.

The more shit you take, the more enjoyment you deserve. 

I call major BS.

If this is the way we live… when do we get to ENJOY our lives? 

After we retire and we’ve forgotten how to relax and finally have free time but feel like we have no “purpose”?

After we’ve made millions of dollars and have severe adrenal fatigue, so we feel depressed and exhausted?

What about the people that work hard all their lives and have nothing to show for it? Do they just have to keep working hard forever?

This is not the world I choose to add to or live in.

In my world, ease gets me farther than struggle.

In my world, grace is more effective than mindless hustle.

In my world, wholesome, true enjoyment is always the main goal. 

In my world, enjoying the process is much more important than the destination.

We can do hard things, but not for the end goal.. we do the hard things because that is how we grow and it is what is required of us.

It is subtle and paradoxical because there is absolutely “hard work” involved in changing an entire paradigm and creating a life you love hard things and all… it is a commitment to choosing placing value in a different place. 

It requires discipline, no doubt, to shift your mindset and value your alignment with YOUR OWN truth over what society tells you.

But, our souls want badly to do our “work” and learn the lessons they came here to learn.

But the pain equals pleasure principle we all tend to operate under, doesn’t serve us in this purpose. It makes everything harder and keeps us slaves to our egos. 

Believing that pain equals pleasure, makes us feel that we don’t deserve the goodness and ease of our aligned work.

True humility is the realization that conventionally validated success or any success for that matter has nothing to do with us and us “making” it, but it is the universe doing all things through us.
We are simply an instrument.

This is bad news for the ego; but one of the most liberating and relieving truths for the soul.

You are not not responsible for anything except staying aligned with your own goodness and focusing on brining your soul-given purpose to each small task you are offered.

When you get out of your own way, and give up the idea that you could ever “make” anything happen, and start instead letting the universe create through you; miracles happen.

So stay humble and stop telling yourself you’ve got to work so damn hard.

Every single person on this earth is an instrument of God.

No one person is better than or more deserving of happiness than the other. And the amount you work is definitely not proportionate to how many blessings you get.

We are all equally blessed.

The moment you start to realize you’re not in control here, not only will things get insanely easier, you’ll also have a ton more fun.

So get out of your head and back into your LIFE. 

I’m with you. 

Letting Go of the Past and the Future to Enjoy the Present

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"Start anew, again & again. Every moment of our lives we can start anew." - Pema

You don’t have to believe the story of yesterday.

The stories of our past have a certain momentum that can be challenging to bring to a halt. 

But... 

All it takes is awareness. 

A simple momentary choice to see right now differently. 

To know that every moment is chance to start again. 

Let’s choose a new story, one that we’re excited about & in love with, right now in the present moment. 

My work this week (or let’s be honest; the work of my life) has been in the vein of learning how to not know where the path leads exactly, but walk down it anyway. And to not make assumptions about that path because of past experiences. 

To not be super consumed in the place I’m going before I get there. Or the place I was just standing.

To stay open along the way and keep moving forward. 

To meet the people and experiences that cross my path with love and curiosity; not view them as obstacles in the way of where I’m going or plaster them with expectations. 

The way I’ve learned to ‘be’ in the world is to be kind of like a bulldozer. 

I see where I’m going and I just charge ahead. 

Single minded. 

I won't say it hasn't worked for me in some respects.  

I bless the lessons, gifts, and massive amount of drive it has given me. 

But I’m ready for a softer existence. 

I’m craving more flow. 

A way of being that is more like a river. 

No hurry. 

No rush. 

No urgency. 

Swift in parts. 

Slow and heavy in others. 

I always know where I’m going. 

I’ll get there as sure as the river leads to the ocean. 

Releasing control and trusting the process so that I can enjoy what happens along the way. 

Sometimes we need more drive. 

Sometimes we need more flow. 

Sometimes we need to remember that we are here to enjoy life. To thank the every day, ordinary moments. 

Right now I’m choosing the beauty of letting go, and allowing each moment to start afresh. 

What about you?

Blame, Fault & Responsibility

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This past week I listened to Mark Manson's book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck," and this book is GOOOOOODDDD. Read it. Listen to it. You won't be sorry, especially if you're struggling with something that you're not quite sure how to move through. 

One of the concepts that created an "aha moment" for me was the distinction he made between Blame, Responsibility, and Fault. I've known for a long time that taking responsibility for our lives and our experiences is THE cornerstone of personal development. It's the lesson we have to learn over and over again. But it always feels a little insensitive to tell someone who has just had something incredibly traumatic happen to them or has a big painful mess in their life their dealing with that they need to "take responsibility". It just always seems a little asshole-y, and I don't want to be an asshole. 

I'm almost always for 'telling it like it is' with compassion. I'm not afraid to make people uncomfortable by starting confrontational conversations that need to be had. I will never enable a friend's or client's old patterns with my words. However, telling someone who's dog just died that they need to take responsibility, just doesn't seem cool or feel good. 

I'm dealing with something personally where I am in a lot of pain because of the actions of another person. (sorry to be vague, I just don't feel quite healed enough to share the details) For all intents and purposes, this action that hurt me was taken by someone else and totally blindsided me. I think any interaction where two parties are involved, there is always the "it takes two to tango" aspect, but I can honestly say that I feel pretty innocent. 

So... taking responsibility for the hurt, pain, anger, sadness, disappointment, etc has been really difficult for me, because I feel like the victim. On a few levels, I am the victim, but I also know a victim-mentality never helped anyone. So this distinction between blame, fault, and responsibility really helped me work through that victim mentality and come to a more productive and healing outcome. 

So here's the distinctions: 

Blame

In a situation where someone or multiple someones is/are hurt, who is to blame is a valid question. It is totally fair to blame someone/something other than yourself if you've been hurt. The example I'll use is your boyfriend cheating on you. If your boyfriend cheats on you, the pain you feel from that breach of trust is very real and would not have been there had your boyfriend not cheated on you. This pain can absolutely be blamed on him. Ok, before you feel justified in your blaming and naming, read on. 


Fault

The main thing we need to understand is that fault is not always linked to responsibility. In our society, we tend to think fault equals responsibility, and sometimes it absolutely does. If you hit someone with your car, it's probably your fault. However, if we stay with this example of the cheating boyfriend, it is not your fault your boyfriend cheated on you. You could have been having arguments, you could not have gotten along with his friends, whatever, none of that makes it your fault. He took the action and cheated. That could never be your fault. Again, keep reading though...  



Responsibility

This is something you always, always have. There are no other options. We are the only ones that live in our bodies and are the only ones living our lives, so we always have responsibility for the way we react no matter who is at fault or who is to blame. Again with the cheating example, your boyfriend can be blamed for your pain, it is his fault that your relationship is blown up, however, it is still your responsibility to decide what to do with all this. You could see it as an impetus for change in your relationship, maybe it's a gift letting you know he is an asshole before you married him, or maybe it's an opportunity to look at yourself and how you act in your relationships. 

Taking responsibility for EVERYTHING is the only option for an empowered life, but that most certainly doesn't mean you have to take on blame or fault yourself. 

Want help getting clear on how to take responsibility for your life without feeling guilty or ashamed? 

I have 10 slots open for my 30min $20 Introductory Self-Love Sessions this week and next week. Request yours by filling out this form (first come, first serve).

The Healing Power of Anger

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As a lot of women and men out there this week I’m sure, I’ve been thinking a lot about the #metoo phenomenon. The sheer amount of social media posts from friends, family members, online influencers, etc who have posted this message of solidarity against the objectification of women, doesn’t exactly surprise me but it has definitely required me to sit with some unpleasant emotions of sadness, outrage, hopelessness and anger. 

When our world is swept up into a movement like this there are always so many voices, wise and unwise, true and untrue, so many subtleties that go unaddressed or are spoken about to the point nonsense. I would never want to assume I understand or know more than I do about the uniqueness of every woman’s deeply personal experience of degradation or injustice. 

But, there are some things I do know for sure: I know that I have personally, on many levels, been harassed, exploited, and used by men. I know that I feel and carry with me the unspeakable wounds inflicted on my precious body and my sisters’ bodies and minds every day consciously and unconsciously. I know that when we humans hurt each other we are not just hurting the other person, we are hurting ourselves. We cannot give without receiving, and we cannot hurt without being hurt. I know that women have been raped, abused and mistreated for lifetimes and that this weighs on each and every one of our souls. 

I also know that to truly heal we must brave the sea of despair. We must look at the Truth of the abuse square in the face, and step into the darkness beyond it. That is why, I know for sure that outrage is part of the healing process. I know that for us to truly heal, as a society and as individuals, we must allow the cleansing power of our anger to wash over us, and give us the inner light to navigate the unknown territory of forgiveness. 

Anger reminds us of the Truth of our worth. To recover from being violated, personally and collectively, we must use the alchemical fire of anger to transform the hurt and pain into power. We use anger to realize and take action towards reclaiming our power, without apology. It gives us the power to sail on that sea of hopeless and trust that there is another shore, a better shore. If you feel sad, shocked, abused, mistreated, properly channeled outrage is the power that moves you through. 

As Bethany Webster said so perfectly: “Do what so few dare to do: Give your anger a safe, empathic space to be fully, completely felt.  Harness it, listen to it. Anger has so many gifts. Not indiscriminate, projected anger, but the energy of outrage, felt and placed where it truly belongs. Collective female outrage is a nectar that this world needs.” 

So be brave. Feel the anger. This is what healing feels like.